Happy Days

I unexpectedly went to France for three weeks - "Oh frabjous joy. Callooh! Callay!" Thank you V. and B.

I landed in Frankfurt, Germany where my sister picked me up and we saw flocks of enormous storks gleaning in the fields on the three hour trip to her house. My older sister and brother-in-law bought me the ticket as a special gift for their daughter L. who is my god-child as well as my niece. She had her confirmation in their local church and I was invited for this special occasion. It was a very moving ceremony and I was happy to be there. She had two weeks off – so we tramped around town together the first week and the second she had to study for her brevet (a mid-way through high school national exam which determines if you can continue your high school education or get slotted into technological high schools) which she passed with flying colors.



It was wonderful to be home, walk around, and soak it up – to walk by a patisserie and be amazed at the display, to watch storks drifting overhead, to admire the weirdly pruned trees on city streets, to count medieval castles on hill tops, to stumble across a windmill, to watch a traditional farmer yoking his giant horses to a plow… I spent most of my time walking around Mulhouse where my sister lives just looking. And I took about 600 hundred photos of ironwork for my son the blacksmith. It was a treat to spend time with my hard working sister, her hard working husband, and their two children and to participate in their daily life. They own a little crêperie/restaurant in Mulhouse, and I had only been in their home once before in 1992. Because my family is often scattered across the world it is always good to be together.



Meanwhile, my younger sister had the brilliant idea of the family giving me cash for my birthday which allowed me to take two train trips – one to Paris (for 5 hours. I still love Paris), Compiègne (North of Paris to see former room-mate #1, her husband, and her family which includes my other god-daughter), and Lamorlaye (also North of Paris, where I grew up). The second trip was to Switzerland to see former room-mate #2 and her husband.

I rode the TGV (train of great speed) on the way to Paris which was exciting since I’ve longed to ride one. And believe it or not, the train was pulled by the actual engine that broke the land rail speed (574.8kmh - 357.16mph) on April 3, 2007. It took a little over 3 hours to go from Mulhouse to Strasbourg to Paris –which used to take 5 ½ hours. The ride is really smooth and you have no sense of going fast (in normal usage the speed is about 190 - 210 mph). When I got off in Paris, there were about 50 Japanese men taking pictures of the engine. You couldn’t miss the record because it was printed in gigantic letters all over the side of the train.

I finally got to go to Beaubourg, the modern art museum with my good friend FL who met me at the gare. I tried in 1992 and in 1999, but it was closed for remodeling both those times. The views of Paris from the top of Beaubourg are amazing and there was a Kandinsky retrospective in the museum. I’ve only seen a few original Kandinsky paintings before so I was enthralled. It was interesting to find out that he died in the same suburb of Paris where I was born, Neuilly-sur-Seine.



The weekend was emotional for me; I started crying in Compiègne in church when people were sharing with me how much Mom and Dad meant to them and how much they miss them. Then I cried after church when a dear lady who used to baby-sit me (when I was 6 months old) started hugging me and telling me that she prays for me everyday. Then I cried Sunday evening and Monday morning, saying good-bye to old friends.



And it did not stop then, the water really started flowing when I wandered around the chateau grounds (where the school was located that my parents worked in and where we were raised) – so many happy memories, so much change and loss. I finally stopped crying on Tuesday after wandering through our village all morning. A soggy, happy week-end, but I was glad to dry up.





I was also able to spend time with two important people from my childhood – two ladies formerly on the staff/faculty of the school. It’s special to visit these women who were influential in our lives (amongst other things they were given the right to discipline us when we were small which they did judiciously and carefully). Two dear ladies.

I hadn’t been to Switzerland in 33 ½ years (on my honeymoon) and it was lovely to see the Jura and the Alps, this time at normal train speed. I love trains. Plus I love looking out the window and gawking at the landscape and villages and towns. I had a lovely day rediscovering two old friends; they showered me with generous hospitality. And I wished, as usual, that I had more time to spend with them. Switzerland was sunny and beautiful that day with the Mont Blanc shining in the distance across the blue, blue lake.



On the last Saturday my sister and I went to Basel, Switzerland, which is only 30 minutes from her house, to the Kuntsmuseum to see the Van Gogh exhibit. It was another retrospective, mostly of his landscape work which is lesser known. It was a very fine show from his early days in Holland to his last days in France. Then I came home to the U.S. and was blasted with a Midwestern heat wave – 99F and a heat index of 115F. Summer is here with a vengeance! Whew.



Last week I went for my blood counts and yet again they are as stable as granite. There is hardly any change at all except for a slight improvement in my lymphocyte and neutrophil counts; both of these are part of the blood immune system. The lymphocytes have decreased from 92% in 2006 to 78% in 2009. My neutrophils have increased from 9% in 2006 to 20% in 2009. This is amazing considering I have never been medicated. The only little cloud on the horizon is that my cancerous cells have changed in shape and age to a more negative type. But the percentages of the worse ones is still very small – only 3% of the cancerous cells. So, good news. We are blessed.



I’m not sure if I ever explained that my white blood cell count is right at the level where they normally start chemotherapy. My oncologist wisely decided in 2006 to wait before we took that step; I am grateful for his wisdom since the count has never risen higher.

On the job hunt front nothing much has changed. John still cannot find long term or free-lance work. Free-lance contracts had served us very well for two years until the market dried up in November. Normally there is a slump in contract work between November and February, but this year it slumped and never picked up again. I’ve been looking for clerical work and have not succeeded either. So we’re not sure what the future holds. The market for those aged 50 years and over is not a great one, especially since we can only job hunt on line, rarely achieving a face to face interview. It’s like throwing your hat into a big black maw and wondering if the winds will ever bring it back around.



Life as usual has its ups and downs, but we are grateful to be in good health and in mostly sound minds, still in possession of our home, and so far paying all our bills. And the temperature has gone down to a balmy 83F. These are all excellent things.

I am always aware of the privilege of our friends’ and family’s affection, concern, and care for us, and we never take it for granted. Thank you for your prayers and affection. When my two oldest grand-kids were about 1 year old, they would end prayer by flinging their arms in the air and yelling, “Hallelujah!” Since we are Presbyterians, often jokingly known as God’s frozen chosen, we’re not quite sure where the exuberance comes from, but we similarly would like to fling our arms in the air and shout a good old, “Hallelujah!”

Done! with stage 1...

So, it has taken me two weeks of hard work, but I finished (stage 1) of my prints today. Just felt a need to say, "Arghh! Yeah! Relief!." For Christmas my mother bought me the electrical connection from my home made exposure machine to the circuit box and it works so well. I'm pretty pumped.

Adventures

When our son was small, about 5 years old, in an effort to help him cope with life's vicissitudes, I used to tell him that we weren't having difficulties we were having adventures. Stupid me. When he was seven whenever we left the house, he would ask in a despairing and anxious voice, "Mom are we going to have adventures today?"

Well, the spouse and I are having adventures that are common to a great many people right now, but it does not make them any easier. Our adventures involve joblessness and loss of John's retirement fund. So we're wracking our brains trying to find solutions. Meanwhile...

On the flip side I realized the other day that I have passed my first prognostic mark. The first life expectancy deadline was 18 months! Well, I have survived longer than that - so far so good! The next deadline I was given was 3 years, then 4 1/2 years. Things are looking up because the new research (2008) done on Zap 70 anomalies is a 5 1/2 year life expectancy. You probably do not remember (because I barely remember) that I have a 58% Zap 70 expression which is a bad bad thing. What is strange is that it is usually accompanied by one other bad thing - Immunoglobulin Heavy Chain (IgVH) unmutated genes. And that I do NOT have; my IgVH mutate properly as they should. It's like one shoe dropping and the other not. It puts me in this little 2% group that the medical folk just don't know much about, but they are learning. And I am happy to get another statistical year added to my life expectancy. Reality is, of course, that only God knows how long I will toddle along the surface of this earth, but I am cheered up nevertheless when I contemplate my statistical bonus year.

On the strange side when I was reading about Zap 70 proteins, I discovered that it is a factor in sarcoidosis which is one of the diseases that my brother died of in 1988. The Zap 70 issue made us both "lymphoproliferative." How's that for a mouthful? It means - produces too many lymphocytes. So he ended up with sarcoidosis and I ended up with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. It makes you wonder...

Flipping back to the happy side, my younger sister had 1/2 her thyroid removed recently because it had a large node on it. The doctor was very concerned that it would be cancerous. It was not! So we are relieved and happy about this and she was able to keep the other half.

It was so cold for so long here that no one had the flu. So I cheerfully regressed and took off that annoying winter face mask. Rewarding me generously for my perfidy, is the number one sinus infection of 2009! Pay attention, Kathleen, you are immune compromised.

I went to a party recently and forgot to put it on (honestly). Every other person said, "Kathleen, where is your face mask?" One person even offered to go to my house and get it. Good friends are also accountability partners. Back on with the face mask. In the balance of life it's weight is a mere annoyance.

The Teaching of the Children

Our Pastor taught the children about light on a recent Sunday. He had a box with a hole in it. All the children looked in the hole and they could only see darkness. He then explained that Jesus was the light and light could comfort them in darkness because it made us see things clearly. A discussion began when one little boy told about how scared he was of the dark. This struck a chord and there were many comments made. Finally the little boy said, "That's why I have a night light." The Pastor poked a hole in the box and shone a flashlight in and behold! they could see two frogs. The box seemed full of dark, but it was full of frogs instead. My grand-son, Fonel, was impressed with the frogs.

Out of the blue, during Sunday lunch, he climbed onto my lap, looked deeply into my eyes, and said sincerely, "Kiquée*, I like darkness."

Oh, my little Fonel, if you only knew just how bad it gets.


By the way, I posted my "followers box" because I have ONE! I think that this is delightful so there she is - my friend M.


*Kiquée is my Grand-Ma name. It's pronounced kee-kay.

Blood Counts

Happy Epiphany!

Whenever I go for my blood counts, I am always anxious for a few days prior. It's inevitable. But the news continues to be good - my white blood cell numbers continue to remain stable. They bounce slightly within a 10,000 count that, in terms of leukemia where the white blood cells can jump by hundreds of thousands, is very small. They do not increase as is expected. My other counts also continue to be stable.

I am so grateful!

I have been tired and draggy since October and am considerably behind on life. I've decided that this is just the way it is! and decided to quit fretting about it. I have a "project" brain and feel terrible guilt when I am unable to achieve any, but I am learning to balance things or just let them go. Right now I am rebuilding my exercise routine with my friend Marg since I seriously derailed this Summer in Atlanta. Initially, I am more fatigued from the physical effort, but I will be stronger again and become more energetic the more I do it. And I have been free from infections for 3 weeks now(!) probably from faithfully wearing my mask so things are looking up.

Thank you for your ongoing concern and love.